All the choices I made in games until I could finally be non-binary

Right now I’m changing my legal gender from male to non-binary. It’s a huge moment for me personally, and it has me feeling a confused mixture of thrilled, anxious, and grateful that the gender on my passport will finally match the way I’ve always felt. It also has me thinking about my enby childhood way back in the ’90s: the dolls I played with, the books I obsessed over, and the ways my not-yet-identified identity slipped out while gaming.

It all started with Street Fighter 2 Turbo on the Super Nintendo. A joint gift for my little brother and me on my 12th birthday, the Super Nintendo took pride of place beneath the aging living room TV set. SF2T was the first title we played together, and right away it was clear this game was something special: it even came in its own metal box, like some precious treasure. Our family moved every year or so, and though the living rooms around us changed, we could always be found sprawled across mismatched sofas and armchairs as my brother beat me again and again.

And almost every time we played, I chose Chun-Li. Though commentary on Chun-Li often centers around the impact she had on the puberty of straight teen boys, there was something else about the beloved lightning-kicker that appealed to me. While my brother invariably chose Ken, I always picked her.

I couldn’t tell you why I favored Chun-Li — I could never pull off her special moves — and my brother didn’t ask. I’d always been the weird kid, playing with Polly Pockets and inventing girl characters I could roleplay, so it wasn’t exactly out of character. Of course, this trend continued into Super Street Fighter 2, and now I had another fighter to choose alongside Chun-Li. Cammy was British – like me! – and I would endlessly switch between the two, delighted to have multiple options.

As big fans of fighting games, my brother and I also played Killer Instinct, where I predictably favored Orchid. This was followed by Mortal Kombat’s Sonya Blade. Then there was the excellent Zombies Ate My Neighbors, where one player played as a boy and the other as a girl. No prizes for guessing which we each chose.