"I don't want to force my nesting partner to try to get into exactly the same things that I'm into when we already have so much important stuff in common. Am I just looking for a reason to be anxious?"
“Understood, Adam. No objections, of course.”
Inject it into my veins, or don’t, I don’t really care
"I don't want to force my nesting partner to try to get into exactly the same things that I'm into when we already have so much important stuff in common. Am I just looking for a reason to be anxious?"
Dear Mother,
My nesting partner and I have identified as polyamorous for about 6 months now, and it's helped our relationship quite a bit! My girlfriend (and soon-to-be fiancée) has been able to reconnect with a partner from a decade-old situationship, and both gain closure on how the past version of that relationship ended while also getting a lot of joy and fulfillment from this new version of their relationship. Meanwhile, I've had a lot of fun experiencing the early stages of dating again and feel pretty uplifted by these new connections with new people.
However, I'm a pretty eclectic guy, and I find myself participating in hobbies with my new partners that my nesting partner is less than enthusiastic about. While my nesting partner and I initially bonded over a shared love of film, hiking, activism, and creative endeavors like writing and filmmaking, she's a lot less into video games, anime, and sports than I am. I still try to share these interests with her when I feel particularly strongly about a specific game or show but if she doesn't vibe with it early on, we usually slide back into experiencing a hobby that we have more overlap on instead.
I guess I feel guilty about participating in these hobbies with other partners, rather than trying to find more common ground in them with the partner I have an escalating relationship with. I worry that I might be subconsciously using polyamory as a crutch for this part of our relationship, but I don't want to force my nesting partner to try to get into exactly the same things that I'm into when we already have so much important stuff in common. Am I just looking for a reason to be anxious because things are otherwise going super well in this dynamic, or do I need to find new ways and opportunities to get my nesting partner into my nerd shit?
Love Mothership already, and so excited to read this advice column!
Sincerely,
Finding a Different Kind of "Play" in Polyamory
Dear Different Kind of Play,
It sounds like you’re off to a wonderful start in this new phase in your relationship! I can tell from the terms that you are using that you are already well-informed about standard, healthy approaches to polyamory and that’s very encouraging.
How do I fight the compulsion of falling into the comfort of the same game again and again, and play new games, see new worlds instead?
"Are there any good games, new or old, that encourage learning this mysterious combination of moving, pointing, and shooting that I seem to lack?"
It does take some intentional learning time to get used to using one joystick to move and the other to look around
"I turn out to get really motion sick, and sometimes get visual migraines, especially from first person games."
